A friend told me that she started thinking of travelling with children more like an ‘adventure’ in order to help with the expectations of the flight and the ‘vacation’. It now makes a difference in how I experience not only travel but also everyday elements of parenthood.
I am not here to talk about tantrums or motherhood. I’m here to talk about the use of language on our perception and experience of the world.
Before having kids one would go on holiday, have a vacation, often implying to have a break from the routine and work, to rest, explore- to do something different. Once you have kids, a vacation is a very different experience (unless one goes without them). If one travels with kids thinking, expecting or hoping to have a restful vacation like before then it is likely they will be greatly disappointed. (Now at this point one can argue, especially as this is a piece on use of language and meaning, that it depends on how one defines rest and vacation?!)
A similar approach is used in hypnobirthing. In Hypnobirthing one is invited to use the word ‘waves’ to illustrate the coming and going and flow of a contraction during birth. Now, although I love the visual of a wave and I find it calming and soothing, personally I didn’t have a problem with the word contraction. Use of words can therefore be subjective as we can attach meaning, weight, and emotion to them. Using the word adventure when thinking of traveling with kids, helped me change gears, add an element of playfulness, and let go of certain expectation and likely make it a more pleasant experience for everyone involved.
I once read an article about how people experience and talk about winter depending on the country they are from- the author wrote that rather than ‘enduring winter there is a need to experience winter’. Another shift in perspective, another path to try (for someone who loves summer) to make winter interesting, fun and enjoyable.
Our brains are wired based on experience, upbringing, culture etc but are also highly adaptable and malleable. New pathways are created daily. Shifting our perspective, although may take time is possible. I often use an analogy of taking a different, not trodden path, that hasn’t been formed and isn’t visible. It feels uneasy and scary. It is difficult to follow and to find next time; but with time and repetition the grass on the new path will remain squashed and stop growing making it your main path. The old path will have its grass regrown and blend into the background.
The approach is adaptable for different areas. I reflected to a client once, that she seemed to carry a lot of Sadness. She paused and voiced she had never thought of being Sad in this way. She always felt that she is ‘Sadness/Sad’ whereas now she felt more able to let some of it go. Or how we associate and view colour- Red often means Danger, I also see passion. When we think of chores as things that need to be done versus things that we do to take care of ourselves or our environment. Or next time you start to lose patience with your child pulling a tantrum, change the word to ‘they are experiencing some big feelings’…
