Christmas, tis’ the season and all that, right? Yes, sure, there can be a lot of joy at Christmas but it isn’t always the case and for some people it can be quite the opposite. It can be a time where painful feelings and emotions are felt more acutely; at worst it can highlight people's sense of disconnection or loneliness and at best the pressure of having to create a magical, perfect, experience on this one day feels completely overwhelming and causes more stress than is felt in the year itself. For people struggling with an eating disorder, there is also the added element of anxiety (to put it mildly) that comes with such a huge focus on food and eating. It’s everywhere and can feel relentless. I spotted a mince pie on the shelf of my local supermarket in mid-October!
Trying to have some grace for yourself over this period is really important, if the behaviors feel a bit more difficult to challenge or the ED voice starts to feel a little louder again, this is understandable. Berating yourself or seeing this as a failure is fueling the ED narrative and creating an obstacle for you getting what you need. Acknowledging what is happening and trying to meet yourself with compassion, or at least neutrality, can give you the space to think about what it is that you can do to give yourself some helpful, well, support to get yourself through these trying moments. Writing yourself a letter when you are in a calm, grounded place that you can have with you as an anchor can be a way of supporting yourself in difficult moments. What might you need to hear from yourself in a moment of distress? Are there mantras that you find helpful? What can you encourage yourself to focus on? Perhaps reminding yourself of why you deserve recovery and a more fulfilling life will offer comfort and perspective. It can be really tricky to reach for the things that will actually make us feel better when we are in a heightened state so doing some prep work before we get there is always useful, it’s much easier to read some written words than trying to find them when we are spiraling. If there are other things that you know you find helpful when you’re struggling, plan ahead and create yourself a care package to have with you.
You may be spending Christmas with people that do not know you are struggling, and although this might feel safer, it also means that you are alone with it which can be painful and lonely and leave only the eating disorder to lean into if things get tough. Is there someone that feels safe enough to share with before entering the festive period? Perhaps thinking about how you can communicate with this person in the moment without it feeling like you are exposing yourself to the whole room? Is there someone that does know, that might not be with you, that you can ask to have connection with over messages or a call?
Being intentional about what this period means for you can also help to re-frame things and give us a different focus other than having to have the BEST time with family or try all the different cheeses. Maybe this time needs to be about resting and finding ways of making this happen for yourself regardless of what other plans might be thrown at you. You might want to see this as an opportunity to get crafty, read that book you’ve had on the shelf for the last six months or explore a new, or an old, hobby. If the pressure feels too much then reminding yourself that this is just another day, that it doesn't have to come with any particular meaning or associations, might be what you need this year.
I hope that this festive period is whatever you need it to be and that if there are trying moments you find a way through them in a way that serves you and not the eating disorder. To end, I’ll leave you with some important and insightful practical pointers from Nutritional Therapist Marissa-Catherine Carrarini.
It can be tempting to think of the festive period as a time to really go all out and super challenge yourself. It can equally be tempting to think that you cannot challenge yourself at all and will not make any exceptions to the food or exercise regime. I would take some time to think of a middle ground; what 1 or 2 things can you challenge and what 1 or 2 things do you feel you really need to hold on during this time of year?
Do not listen to family members or friends who give food advice or any “talk food”. Whether it be directed at you or not, food-talk and advice is not helpful and rarely applicable to your individual needs. The exception is the supportive family member who might be helping you stick to your food plan and needs.
Be mindful of all the diet-detox-exercise noise around the New Year. No diet or regime is helpful in improving an ED, no matter what it promises or who promotes it.
Be compassionate because mistakes and complications are going to happen and that is OK.
